Hey sthandwa
It’s been quite a moment. Ngikukhumbulile and decided to write to you. Insert smiley face.
His hand was shaking as he typed his mobile number into my phone. Familiar fingers on hands that told a different story of their own. Words someone close to my heart start echoing in my head. I could almost hear her voice so clearly as if she was standing next to me. ‘You think that we had no dreams? You think we’re here because we want to be?’ I looked at him again. My old friend. Grown. No longer a boy. A boy who would write me letters, telling me of the man he wanted to grow up to be. The sort of man who wasn’t standing infront of me. My old friend. Grown. No longer a boy. A boy who would write me letters, telling me to press on towards the mark of the high calling. The sort of faith he stood and questioned infront of me. My old friend. Grown. No longer a boy. A boy who would write letters checking up on me. The sort of strength and care he asked for from me through his eyes. Familiar eyes that told a different story of their own.
“I-life yangitshaya chomie.” he said. I blinked so hard to try and hold back my tears. ‘You think that we had no dreams? You think we’re here because we want to be?’ My old friend. Grown. No longer a boy.
I hate what time and life does to potential. I hate what lack of opportunities and funds does to potential. I hate what not having a support system does to potential. I hate what growing up without parents does to potential. I hate what lack of exposure does to potential. I hate what settling does to potential. I hate what expectations put on both the girl and boy child does to potential. I hate what broken homes and people do to potential. I hate what a corrupt government does to potential. I hate what not having a way out does to potential. I hate what not believing in yourself does to potential. I hate what giving up does to potential. I hate what doubting God does to potential.
I got home and told God about it. I told Him how hurt I was. I told Him how selfish I felt for always complaining. I told Him that I don’t get why life has to be this hard. I told Him how much I want to see my people happy and flourishing. I told Him I’ve watched some of them grieve their parents and I just wonder how life would have been different if they were here. I told Him I hate watching men neglect their children and get away with it. I told Him I’m tired of hearing people say dreams don’t come true. I told Him how confusing it is to watch some people have it easy, yet others have to fight for every single little thing. I told Him how exhausting it is. I told Him it makes me feel so angry at Him because sometimes. Most of the times. I just feel like He’s sitting there doing nothing and expecting us to show up every single day. No matter how much it hurts. No matter how much it kills us slowly inside. No matter how loud the noise is.
Please write a happy story for a change said one of my favourite people the other day. Here goes. I came across a song the following day. I know of umoontue who would say, “The song found you!” and you know what? I believe him.
The song by says. There’s nothing new under the sun. Questions we have have been said and done. Fully God and man. He felt it all. High as king but still He’s low enough to meet us where we are. He has felt it all. He lived through it all. Every question. Every fear. He understands. By Chandler Moore.
See. He wasn’t born in a hospital. He was born in a manger on a bed of grass. He wasn’t born to a royal family. He was a son of a carpenter. He didn’t chill with the big boys. He hung out with fishermen and sinners. Who betrayed and denied Him. He didn’t even own a horse. He had to ride someone else’s donkey as the people sang hosannah and welcomed Him into Jerusalem. He was most human at the garden of Gethsemane. Like you. Like me. He asked that may this cup pass from me. It was unbearable. So much His sweat turned to blood. In that state, He was still able to say to God, if it be your will. Let it be done.
Sometimes while we wait I believe we have to do what we can with what we have and trust and believe He has a plan to give us an expected future. He will not leave us hanging on the cross. He will never forsake us. We’ll always live to see the stone rolled from the tomb. We’ll always live to see graves turn to gardens. This year for me has proven that. With all the lowest lows. The tears shed. The failed plans. The loved ones lost. The mistakes made. The flopped business deals. The lessons learnt. I can still stand here and proclaim that I’ve seen His hand in the land of the living. I believe unto grey hairs He will carry me. I’m yet to taste more of His goodness and sweetness. I am standing on grace. Always. And I believe that for you too. Even as we leave this year behind never for a moment forget that He understands! And He loves you so much more than you could ever imagine! And I love you too!
Owakho othandekayo
uLwandle
🤍🙏🏾
❤️❤️