Stones and blood

I wonder what went through your mind as you watched the first stone being thrown at you. Did you maybe say a little prayer? ‘Lord. I have heard of your fame. I stand in awe of your deeds. Like you shut the mouths of the lions with Daniel. Like you preserved Noah and his family during the flood. Like you healed me from blindness. Do it again!’ I wonder what went through your mind as the first rough stone hit your body. Cutting through your skin. Sending waves of excruciating pain through your body. Did you stare at the one who threw it in shock as you saw them pick up another one? Did you pray for them like Stephen did? ‘Lord. Do not hold this sin against them.’ Did you cry out in pain as the second hit your shoulder? As the tenth stone hit your leg. As the eighteenth stone hit your hip. As the twenty-third stone hit your head? As you went through a relentless assault on your senses. I wish you would write me a letter telling me all about it.

I wonder if for a moment you wondered where Barnabas was. Matter of fact where was he? I wonder if for a moment you thought how come I am the only one going through such a traumatic experience. If for a moment you felt lost and alone. If for a moment you felt you deserved it since you had also heavily persecuted the church. If for a moment you thought that is where your story ended. With stones and blood.

Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. 

Act 14:19

I wonder how badly hurt you were that there was no sign of your chest rising and falling as you try take in air. I wonder how badly hurt you were to just become so still and dead silent. I wonder how badly hurt you were that men who were clearly not doing this for the first time thought you were dead. I am convinced God was there. Convincing you not to be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Convincing you that to live is Christ. Convincing you that His grace is sufficient for you.

But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city. The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe. They preached the gospel in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said.

Acts 14:20-22

Listen. I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that one day you’re declared as dead and the next day you are preaching salvation. Rocking your bruises and bandages like a crown. Excuse me Paul? What manner of love for Christ did you have? What manner of faith did you operate on? Where you had no time to sit around and mop about what had happened. Where you had no time to start pointing fingers asking ‘Why did you leave me?’ Where you did not sit around and try to hide your light under a table. Where you had no time to first get better before going out to preach repentance and that the kingdom of God is at hand. And here we are giving up at the smallest inconvenience. It’s raining. I am an orphan. I don’t have anything to wear. I have no one to mind the kids. My mother is sick. I am single. I don’t have bus fare. I’m tired. I am poor. I don’t want to ruin my brand. I am struggling balancing school, work and fatherhood. I had a traumatic childhood. If any of the shoes fit. May God have mercy on us.

I pray one day we will encounter God for ourselves and fully grasp the mandate. To seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. To encourage others to repent from sin and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near. To understand that nothing on this earth matters. The feminist movement. The big house. The Jay 1s. The number of followers. The rainbow gang. The flat tummy. The white wedding. The vision boards. The aesthetics. The hardships. The stones. Nothing we have been conditioned to care about matters. Only Jesus.