If he doesn’t write you poems I hope his actions do. A line I picked up earlier from the highly esteemed academy of reels and whew. It stuck. My mind. Being my mind. Wandered. Floated. Through the clouds of the kind of love we kneel down and pray for. The kind of love that makes us sit cross legged with the girlies during yap sessions. Nodding hard and declaring, “You know what, chomie? I deserve that.” Clock it.
If he doesn’t write you poems I hope his actions do. I began to think about ‘in love’ me. Listen. That woman just wants to live under your skin. Woman. I use the word deliberately. Because of the depth it carries. I am what they call clingy. Except let’s rebrand it. I’m tightly attached to you by choice. Disclaimer. Do not psycho analyse me. Do not hand me TED Talks on attachment styles. I don’t want theory. I want you. I want to hear your voice. In the morning. That lazy morning rasp that sounds like velvet and chaos at the same time. And maybe before I go to bed. Definitely before I go to bed. Tell me about your day. In detail. I want to hug you. Tightly. Often. And be left smelling like you. I want to spend quality time with you. Even if it means following you around in the kitchen. Pretending I’m helping. No. I still do not enjoy cooking. I want to spoil you with these little things because you mentioned you like them in one of the conversations we were having. I want to sit on your lap and kiss you. I love kisses. Because they make time stop. They make the world blurry. I want you to tell me all about your favourite childhood memories. The way your eyes light up when you do just makes me warm and fuzzy on the inside. I want to scroll through. Zoom into the blurry selfies we took on Sunday. Stare at your smile. And try to imagine how our kids will look like. I want to show you off. I love loudly. Maybe too loudly. My man. My man. My man. I want random reminders of you scattered all over my place. A teddy. A hoodie. Flowers. I want to watch sunsets with you. Or maybe watch you watch a sunset. See you in awe of God’s creation. I want to dance with you. Scream sing “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!” as we drive to get snacky snacks. I want to tell you I love you. Over and over. Without needing a reason. Or timing. Or a special occasion. Just because I do. I love you. I do.
As I continued to float through the day dreams. I remembered how Christ calls us His bride. But the way I treat Him? It doesn’t compare. Not even a little. To the way I relate to the average male that I’m in love with here on earth. If I can long for a lazy morning voice. Do I long just as deeply to hear His? If I can beg for detailed stories about someone’s day. Do I make enough time to truly sit with His Word? If I can cling to hugs and kisses and the sparkle in someone’s eyes when they talk about their childhood. Do I also cling to the presence of the One who’s been with me since the beginning of time? If I can scatter random reminders of a man. Do I scatter reminders of Christ throughout my day? Sticky notes with scripture on them. Prayer pauses. Whispered worship.
If I can love an imperfect man so openly. So desperately. So consistently. Why do I ration my affection for Christ? Do I really love Jesus? Or have I grown comfortable giving fragments? Yet He’s the only One who has ever given Himself whole. Without condition. Without hesitation. Without end. To me. And not only that. He loved me. Loves me. Deeply. To the point of death.
He not only writes me poems but His actions do. Nail pierced hands. A cross on His back. An empty tomb.
Since I don’t write Him poems. I pray my actions do.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” ~Matthew 22:37-38
That’s it. That’s today’s random thought. But. Before I go. I wrote a book. A tender, faith filled journey through the quiet milestones and hidden messiness of girlhood. Between the pages live the thoughts Lwandle couldn’t say out loud, the lessons she learnt the hard way, and the whispered prayers she never thought God heard. She is just a girl who’s still trying to make sense of it all. Her body, her heart, her faith, and her future with God by her side.
Purchase With All My Heart Here
