Colours. Crowds. Choices

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed. My green Bible open before me. A pink highlighter resting between my fingers. My pink sweats matched the gentle quiet of the evening. Beside me. The lamp burned dim. Throwing its tired glow over the words. Bending shadows across the wall.

Lately. I find myself drawn back to colour. Not just any colour. Soft. Feminine shades that feel like a sigh after years of holding my breath. Blush pink. Sage green. Butter yellow. Powder blue. Even red. Bold. Unapologetic. Red. A reminder that softness and fire can coexist. The self-proclaimed TikTok therapists call it healing. I smile. Because maybe they are right.

But that is beside the point. Because in that moment. I was stopped in my tracks.

Inside, the people were all shouting, some one thing and some another. Everything was in confusion. In fact, most of them didn’t even know why they were there. ~Acts 19:32

Most of them didn’t even know why they were there?

Why am I here?

It turns out that is not just a question. It is a mirror. It is the kind of question that peels you open. Layer by layer. Until all you can do is sit in the silence and listen for the answer.

Why are you there? In that room. In that space. In that season of your life? Why do you sit with the people you sit with? Is it comfort. Convenience. Or calling? Why do you work where you work? Is it survival. Or purpose? Why do you scroll where you scroll? Why do you post what you post? Why do you dress the way you dress? To hide? To reveal? To belong? To speak without words? Why do you believe what you believe? Is it inherited. Or chosen. Or wrestled for in the dark? Why do you think the way you think? Who taught you to think like that? Why do you love what you love? Why does it hold you? Why do you fear what you fear? What story gave birth to that? Why do you move the way you move through the world. Hurried. Hesitant. Unbothered. Unseen? Why do you keep what you keep? Habits. Memories. Grudges. Dreams? Why do you stay silent when you stay silent? Why do you speak when you speak? Why do you pray the way you pray. Or not pray at all? Why do you wake up every morning and choose what you choose?

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” ~Socrates

Why are you there?

Know your why. Hold it steady. Anchor yourself in it. Because without it. You risk being present everywhere. Yet absent from yourself.